Flawed in a Way

On this blog I’ve been talking openly about myself quite a lot. I’ve made articles about my personality, the way I view certain aspects of life and about things that I’ve experienced. Yet I’ve never made an article about something else that defines me: my flaws. It’s time for that to change, so this article will be all about one of my biggest flaws. Most people don’t know about it yet so I hope it’ll give them a bit more insight in the person I am. Also, maybe people can share their own views of this article as that would likely give me some new insights as well.

I don’t actually know the origin of the flaw, though I can venture a guess. It started when I was about 15/16 years old. My friends were all at the same age and it is at this time that you first start to go out. Going to pubs, clubs, it’s how everyone at that age spends his Saturday evening and night. However I was never really fond of going out to clubs. I didn’t like it, as I would often say ‘it wasn’t my thing’. My friends did like it though, so they went out to clubs a lot. Most of the time we would be spending a Saturday afternoon at a friend’s place just having fun when everyone would go out leaving me to go to bed.

Now you needn’t feel sorry for me, if you do :p. I love going to clubs now and have become much more ‘loose’ as a person than I was before. However one thing has always stuck. It’s quite hard to explain but I’ll do my best. When I’m alone in my room I can't help but shake the feeling that everyone around me is having a much better time than I am. I’m sitting here alone, not having much fun, but everyone around me is probably having a blast. They’re probably enjoying themselves doing activities they enjoy doing. These activities can be as simple as gaming, something which I often do myself. However, even when I’m gaming, an activity I enjoy doing, I can still get these feelings. I think you’re always having fun.

I can’t fathom the notion that the people around me have times at which they feel anxiety or where they are unhappy. I don’t believe they feel the same way as I do, and that they might have their ‘down’ moments as well. The realist in me knows that this is the case but my emotional side just can’t grasp the idea. In my world, if I’m sitting in my room doing nothing and you’re sitting in your room doing nothing, you’re having more fun. Even when writing it down the realist in my is laughing at the mere notion but it’s something that feels very real and it’s the way I’ve been feeling or as long as I can remember.

Does this feeling bother me to a degree that I can’t manage it? Does it stop me from doing anything useful at all? Well, no. It’s just a feeling that I get sometimes that puts me in a little ‘down’ mood, a mood which I can just as well break out of the following minute. But it’s always been with me, even though the idea is completely ridiculous. I consider it one of my biggest flaws because it does negatively affect my mood the minute it surfaces. Given that I’ve been studying personal growth and thoughts and emotions a lot the recent months I think I’ll be able to conquer the idea some day. Hell, writing about it is probably a more important step that I realize right now. Perhaps the key lies in feeling good because you’re having fun. After all, your happiness matters to me!

So now you know one of my biggest flaws. It may seem stupid or minor to you, it certainly felt stupid when writing about it, but it’s the way I feel. I hope that someday I’ll be able to cope with it better than I can now. I at least hope you’ve learned a bit more about me and you had a good time reading the article. Though I’m sure you did. After all, you’re always having fun.

Calendar Man

Once I'd quit my course I had made a decision that affected me in more ways than one. The most logical of which being that I didn't have a course and wouldn't be getting my diploma. This also meant that I suddenly had a huge amount of time to spend on, well basically anything I wanted. I was taken away from the social 'working' life that I had known for years now. From now on I would be on my own during the school days.

Being alone for five days a week certainly had some consequences. For example I started to monitor my feelings a lot more than I had done with people around me. I'm a people person so being alone for so long is not very comfortable for me, which was refelcted in the way I felt. Certain events triggered certain feelings and I was curious to see if I could influence this in any way. If I could find a way to steer my emotions towards the more positive side, even in the current circumstances that would be awesome.

The first step I undertook was to monitor my feelings. I was linked towards an awesome site by someone who knew the situation I was in. On the site there was a calendar on which you could register how the day went by putting a certain emoticons on the current day. I immediatly fell in love with the idea and decided to make such a calendar below. Instead of emoticons I would be using words as they are more descriptive in my opinion. The results cn be seen below. For every day of the week I will register my feelings. Because I found that my emotions can change quite drastically in a day I decided to put use two words every day.

The words that I use are the ones that best describe my feelings over the day. Now it should be noted that I didn't have the word Okay right from the start. So if my day went okay I would use the word Awesome instead which may give an incorrect image of how amazing my first weeks were. The later weeks are more reliable and I'm quite proud to say that I haven't really had any terrible days since the 15th. Below I'll show you the words I'm working with. They are ordered from best to worst.

EPIC  -  CONTENT  -  AWESOME  -  OKAY  -  NEUTRAL  -  MEH  -  CRAP

I'm also using my calendar to detail my 30-day trials. My current 30-day trial is playing the keyboard for at least 30 minutes a day. As you can see it's not going partiularly well so far but I'm sure that'll come in the future.

Creating the calendar required very little work yet the results were amazing. It livens up my room and I can keep track of my feelings in a fun and rewarding way. Furthermore any goals I wish to achieve can be added to the calendar, such as my current 30-day trial. I'll certainly create another one for the coming month and, if the idea interests you, I would advise you to do the same. It's way more fun than your regular calendar and you can keep track of anything you want. Of course you can use the idea for a number of other things as well and there is really only one advice I can give you: Go wild!

This is Me

Well here it is. The blogpost that should shed some light on who I am and why I started this blog. The ‘What’s This’ 2.0 post if you will. Like in that post let's start with me again.

I’m an extraverted person who cares a great deal about the people around him. According to the Jungian personality test I’m what’s known as the ‘Giver’. I quote from the personality page: “They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.” The full article can be found here: http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ.html

This may sound extremely praising but that’s because it describes the Giver at its best. Of course I’m nowhere near this level yet but the article does show what kind of a person I am and what I value. I won’t go further into that though. I’ll be talking a bit about my interests now. To put it plainly I have an interest in 4 things mainly: Personal growth for myself and others,  Playing Music,  Writing  and  Gaming. There’ll be an article each about all four of these in the near future.

The second part of this post is about why I started this blog to begin with. What was my goal? Simply put, when I started this blog I didn’t really know. I was going through some major changes, especially concerning personal growth and where I would go with my future. A blog is a way for one to put his thoughts on paper. Go over your thoughts again in your head and write them down. You’ll be surprised by the effect this has. It provides a great deal of structure for yourself and helps you clear your head a bit. I think I needed confirmation of the person who I am and this blog helps me discover that. It may seem clear to those who read it but when I’m writing a post I have to think about everything I say, which gives me the opportunity to look at things from a different angle. So in the end this blog is, to me, a way to categorize my thoughts and discover the person I am. It also helps me to show my true self to everyone who reads it, a skill I haven’t mastered really but I’ll get into that at a later point as well.

In short, I’m extremely grateful if you read this blog and I hope you find it interesting. It should provide some insight in the person I am on a deeper level. Also I hope that you can use topics I write about as a reflection point for yourself. How do you view these topics and what is your stance in life? As for that photo, well I still owe you that I’m afraid.

What's This?

Well, this marks the beginning of an interesting and entertaining blog, hopefully, in which I will talk about things in my life and life in general which fascinate me. Before I go article-crazy though I'd like to take it to the basics in this post. That is: Who am I and why do I have this blog?

Let's start with who I am, shall we? My name is Robert Nieuwenhuis and as I'm writing this I am a 20 year old male living in Drachten, The Netherlands. Though I expect to stay male for quite a while my age and location will no doubt change in the future and I hope to be able to look back at this blog 5 years from now with a satisfied grin on my face. In recent years I have changed a lot to a very optimistic person looking to do things that excite me and to fulfill my personal goals. Personal growth is something I am really into so you'll be reading a lot about it here. I'll no doubt be posting more about my person in the future so this'll have to do for now. Most of you reading this know me personally anyway :P


Moving on to the blog itself, or better said why I am doing this. To be honest, I have no idea. But I find it fun already. I guess it is a nice way for me to express myself. Being an aspiring writer I like to write(duh) so a blog seems like a natural step for me. With every article my writing catelogue increases which is awesome. Multiple people have actually suggested this to me as I like to talk and write about interesting things in life and this is a good way to share it with everyone interested.

I can't say right now where this blog will go in the future. I am definitely changing the look(except if you're reading this years after the post was made, in which case the look is awesome) so I'll have to ask some people for their precious time. As for the rest I am as much in the dark as you. Expect some posts about the things I encounter in life and things about life in general. If you like it stick around. After all, making an interesting article to read is to me an important goal which I hope to achieve with every post.